Are we desensitized to dirty words?
Posted: 3/3/2010

By James Mulcahy

Dirty words aren't as dirty as they used to be. At the risk of sounding like my parents, I think that many young people -- and a number of not-so-young people -- don't have much respect for the English language. These purveyors of pornographic prose fling four-letter adjectives with velocity and disregard -- much like a 9-year-old in a snowball fight who doesn't care who gets an earful of his icy ammunition.

It happens in restaurants, in the grocery store, at a ballgame. Right in the middle of an otherwise articulate sentence comes an obscenity that would have curled my grandfather's sprawling ear hair.

I'm well aware that things are "different" now. Twenty years from now, things will be "different" again. But that does not excuse this form of air pollution. It's an insult to the language and to everybody within earshot.

I think this disturbing trend of more and more dirty talk started several years ago when all of a sudden it was OK to say that something "sucks." Who decided that was no longer a bad word? When I was a kid, that meant just one thing, and it was the ultimate insult for a boy.

Substitute words are almost as bad. Whether it's "freakin' cold" or "friggin' cold," I don't like it. Might as well use THE word; we all know that's what is meant. What's wrong with "very cold"?

Remember the classic exchange when Ralphie, while helping his dad change a tire, lost the lug nuts in "A Christmas Story"?

Ralphie: Oooh fuuudge! 

Ralphie as adult: [narrating] Only I didn't say "fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word! 

Mr. Parker: [stunned] What did you say? 

Ralphie: Uh, um ... 

Mr. Parker: That's ... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on! 

Ralphie as adult: [narrating] It was all over -- I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.

It's funny just because it's the worst word he could have said. But that was then.

Nowadays, on Facebook, THE word comes up in status updates of kids you'd never believe would even think the word, let alone type it for the world to see. (Status updates, for nonFacebookers, are the daily -- sometimes hourly -- updates of just what's on a person's mind at the moment.) By the way, I'm an employer, and, if you can't tell by now, I am paying attention. This sort of thing might well come back to haunt you.

Don't judge, you say? Let's be honest; we constantly judge each other. It may be based on the clothes we wear or the twang in our dialect, but we have standards by which we choose our friends and our spouses. Judgments help us make choices in almost everything we do, whether it's picking a restaurant for lunch, a pair of shoes, a place to live or a bank.

Here is some solicited feedback about profanity from others in the community:

Elizabeth Lafferty, director of Shelby Prevention: "Language is one of the most beautiful gifts bestowed on humans. It is a way to communicate not only information, but can become a form of art in poetry and literature.

"Unfortunately, language has an ugly side in the form of slang. Modern language has evolved into a much more base form of communication riddled with curse words, or words that indicate the same meaning as curse words, catchphrases with double meanings, and annoying abbreviations. Often crude terms are used in every type of social gathering, business environment, sporting event and within our entertainment. These words and phrases are used by people of all ages and yet, by many, the context of these words has become acceptable. Phrases such as, 'I screwed up' or 'that sucks' are commonplace and yet denote unflattering meanings.

Conversely, local teens view cursing much like teens did in another era -- when leather jackets and greasy hair were trademarks of the rebel.

Shelby County High School student Remy Kennedy, who writes a column for Shelby County Life, agrees that while the use of profanity is common among her peers, it's not going to go away.

"Kids these days use profanity on a daily basis and it's really disrespectful and makes them look like they aren't educated," she said. "Then again, teenagers are the rebels of the community, so I don't think (these comments) will make them think twice when cussing."

Zach Poehlein, who attends the University of Louisville, said he would grow out of using profanity.

"As someone who curses freely and in my everyday conversations with people my age, I do understand that my language is seen as dirty by most people," he said. "I began to curse when I was in eighth grade, and now as a freshman in college, things haven't really changed at all. These words have become integrated into my everyday speech, and into the everyday conversations I share with most of my friends. I have become desensitized to this kind of 'foul' language, and I hope that those old folks who find this kind of speech offensive will just give us children time to grow up."

Shelby County Schools Superintendent James Neihof notices the trend as well and puts most of the blame on technology:

"The prevalence of profane words in everyday conversation is, to many, indicative of a moral decline of our society. To me, the issue of greatest importance in this conversation is the warp speed influence of technology.

"When I was growing up there were words that I heard only rarely. In fact, I can still remember the first time I heard one of the more profane words. It begins with the sixth letter of the alphabet, (and) is commonly spoken today. I had to ask what it meant. Of course, I must frame my experiences by the fact that I grew up without television or movies, other than seeing a few episodes of Gunsmoke or Bonanza on holiday visits to Grandma's house. So, yes, I lament the fact that our kids today are exposed to so much so early. I hasten to say that while I value the memories of childhood innocence, I in no way believe that we can create such a life for our kids in the world we live in today.

"Video taken in schools and on school buses make it around the globe on social networking sites within minutes. Movies and television shows dictate the culture overnight with the use of catchphrases and words. A few years ago the movie 'Napoleon Dynamite' promoted the use of the word 'sucks' as a standard response to any negative circumstance. It seemed like overnight half of the kids had a 'That Sucks' T-shirt and were referencing everything from a test grade to cold french fries as something that sucked.

"But I recall that not so many years before there was a generation that practically lived for the weekly showing of Saturday Night Live and immediately adjusted their vocabulary accordingly after each show, so I hasten to say that this phenomenon is not the sole property of either Generation X or Y.

"It seems that today's kids live in a world where social acceptability is not dictated by deep cultural values or norms but by the entertainment industry. So while I am certainly concerned by the use of profane words as if they are just another adjective, I am even more concerned that our kids are growing up in a world with few moral absolutes and very little stability for them to latch onto.

"The bright spot I have seen through the years as I have worked with kids, and continue to see is that most kids innately want absolutes. They want to set boundaries for themselves and rules by which they live. It is up to us to encourage them to set personal boundaries and to model our own boundaries. They need to know that it is OK to do so even in a world influenced by a media industry that seems devoid of moral absolutes.

"Years ago my mother used to say to me, 'If in doubt, don't.' I have lived by that rule all of my life and it has held me in good stead. The reality is that even in a world where there are few moral mandates for behavior, our human nature still wants boundaries and absolutes by which to measure our self worth and success. So my advice to parents and to kids is much like the advice given to me as a kid, 'If in doubt, don't.'

It would be naive of me to think these comments will change the way the world works. It would also be hypocritical to imply that I'm perfect and have never used a bad word. I do hope it creates some dialogue (no profanity, please), or at least causes someone to think about what they're saying and how it might affect or influence another person. I'm just asking that we watch our language and treat it with the respect it deserves.